recently got my face hacked into but all and all it was a pretty slack week... lots of sleeping and thinking, lots of going on facebook, taking pain meds and antibiotics, drinking chocolate milk, and more sleeping...
its really sad... everyone seems to be out and about visiting with friends and family yet here i am all alone at home. its hard to know that all your old friends moved on and drifted away so fast... don't get wrong i don't expect to be invited to these events anymore....
it's just fucking rough. seeing the pictures when you were there just a year ago for the past 8 fucking years... how fast you are forgotton and how you aren't even worth a stupid fucking mass text merry christmas anymore... not even important enough to be clicked into spam....
i mean we used to write each other long heartfelt christmas cards.... i kept everyone for each of you... thought it was fucking important... i mean who cares about the stupid sweater or pair of socks or chocolates... i loved the card and the message... writing about our memories....
weren't we all friends? before i dated her we were all friends together.... but now i see we weren't really at all.... it really turned into more of i was the bf and well we broke up and now i'm cut... but i guess that is what happened isn't it?
i always said that even though we didn't show it we'd step in front of a bullet for each other in a heartbeat.... thats how i defined and considered someone a good close friend... but now i don't even know... was i just a bad judge of character? i mean ya everyone is busy and shit and life and fuck and its hard to stay in touch but i'm not even worth the effort?
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then i see others happy too like my 1/2 gfs which is happy times and i don't wanna be 7th wheel to their triple dates and holidays parties! but it doesn't make me feel much better...
hell i've barely seen anyone this break.... i mean mollie you're gone, claubs well you're a hermit like usual but we did go shopping, alexa you're gone, pasha well we'll ski like we always do, marina i don't even know though we even promised but it doesn't look promising....trobbins i've probably spent the most time with you this break RHAPSODY haha good times friend as always your sarcasm and deadpan are always on and appreciated over here...though you're gone to NC now wtf?
i've never had many friends... i dont' expect to have my day planner packed... and i guess everyone else jsut moved on... don't me wrong i love my new med crew all the same even though i'm not sure they care for me at times especially b.w. .... but horcs his wifey and mrs wheeler even toked up red head and garbage day just make my life.... they've just all gone home....
i guess i hate to let go.... actually i guess i hate that i'm tossed away before i'm ready to be....
i should end positively its the holidays... anything is better than MSK and TBL, my face is healing up nicely at least and i face timed a lot with jess... she's pretty much only ever seen me when i'm gross during movember and my chipmunk self... so if she can tolerate that .....
merry christmas everyone....
MERRY CHRISTMAS. AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR.
ReplyDeleteI'm totally in the same boat as you, Montao. People move on; friends you thought you had, you don't, and it's completely understandable. Moral of the day: Don't date friends who are too close that you don't want to lose them, and don't let friends who are too close like you. Sometimes life gives you crap, and no matter how much you want lemonade, all you can get is diarrhea.
Endocrine F-ed my life, man. I hope things are still going well with you. I'm really looking forward to spending more time with you during AMSCAR when we're forced to sleep with each other. Haha. I'm not sure about the other company, but it's really good to have someone like you with me. Med school is so freaking lonely, and be glad that you at least have the friends that you do. Every day I question whether it was worth it... :/
Again - New Years Resolution - only if you agree with me though - Let's try to make more of an effort to chat more often... say at least once a month. Too much? Too much? I should hope not. But, I think it'd be cool. I'm trying to make SMART goals (Int D FML), but I really do value you, monsieur. Despite our time apart, and the fact that we know next to nil about what's going on in each others' lives.
Thanks again for sharing me your blog that you sent me over a year ago, but I didn't realize until now. Seriously, man, I had no idea! You could have spammed some sense into me, because I would have wanted to comment earlier and help when I could have. It doesn't help that you update like once a month, and I have no way of knowing when you update. Send me a text when you do, man; I'd really 'preciate it. =P
Anyhow, I'm really sorry that I couldn't have been there when you needed me. I figure you would, maybe, be equally sorry for not being there for me too, so we'll call it even. Nevertheless, you're all sorts of awesome as a perosn, and you shouldn't forget it. Or something bad will happen. To... the fishes.
That's right.