recently got my face hacked into but all and all it was a pretty slack week... lots of sleeping and thinking, lots of going on facebook, taking pain meds and antibiotics, drinking chocolate milk, and more sleeping...
its really sad... everyone seems to be out and about visiting with friends and family yet here i am all alone at home. its hard to know that all your old friends moved on and drifted away so fast... don't get wrong i don't expect to be invited to these events anymore....
it's just fucking rough. seeing the pictures when you were there just a year ago for the past 8 fucking years... how fast you are forgotton and how you aren't even worth a stupid fucking mass text merry christmas anymore... not even important enough to be clicked into spam....
i mean we used to write each other long heartfelt christmas cards.... i kept everyone for each of you... thought it was fucking important... i mean who cares about the stupid sweater or pair of socks or chocolates... i loved the card and the message... writing about our memories....
weren't we all friends? before i dated her we were all friends together.... but now i see we weren't really at all.... it really turned into more of i was the bf and well we broke up and now i'm cut... but i guess that is what happened isn't it?
i always said that even though we didn't show it we'd step in front of a bullet for each other in a heartbeat.... thats how i defined and considered someone a good close friend... but now i don't even know... was i just a bad judge of character? i mean ya everyone is busy and shit and life and fuck and its hard to stay in touch but i'm not even worth the effort?
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then i see others happy too like my 1/2 gfs which is happy times and i don't wanna be 7th wheel to their triple dates and holidays parties! but it doesn't make me feel much better...
hell i've barely seen anyone this break.... i mean mollie you're gone, claubs well you're a hermit like usual but we did go shopping, alexa you're gone, pasha well we'll ski like we always do, marina i don't even know though we even promised but it doesn't look promising....trobbins i've probably spent the most time with you this break RHAPSODY haha good times friend as always your sarcasm and deadpan are always on and appreciated over here...though you're gone to NC now wtf?
i've never had many friends... i dont' expect to have my day planner packed... and i guess everyone else jsut moved on... don't me wrong i love my new med crew all the same even though i'm not sure they care for me at times especially b.w. .... but horcs his wifey and mrs wheeler even toked up red head and garbage day just make my life.... they've just all gone home....
i guess i hate to let go.... actually i guess i hate that i'm tossed away before i'm ready to be....
i should end positively its the holidays... anything is better than MSK and TBL, my face is healing up nicely at least and i face timed a lot with jess... she's pretty much only ever seen me when i'm gross during movember and my chipmunk self... so if she can tolerate that .....
merry christmas everyone....
