i try to be your friend i really do... its just so hard...
if i try to text you, you will reply but then if i respond after that ususally nothing... and like i understand you don't have unlimited texting ... or like on msn you'll just be busy.. .always always busy... or the one time i texted to see if we could talk when i really needed someone to talk to you specifically told me not to call...
or how we're supposed to go do this or hang out then.. but like something always comes up... and like i get that you're busy but like everytime? either you don't care and forget or i don't have very high priority and if something comes up well then thats too bad... so either way it sucks...
the only time we ever get to talk is if its convenient.... like when i'm driving you home... or if i "catch you" in cameron which i try to a lot because its nice to see you but i just end up seeing phil a bunch ... but i thought we were really tight you know? like good friends like someone i could turn to when i really someone to talk to... but like my effect on your life... well lack of effect just makes it so clear how much different everything is to you... you matter to me as a friend but as i keep trying it makes me realize how insignificant i am in yours..
and like getting into med i knew that was gonna happen, like a lot of my friends were out of convenience like we had the same classes and friends and it sucks a lot. knowing that people don't actually care. liek my life isn't really good right now... like i almost regret getting into med because i left so much behind... and that sucks enough as it is..... but i thought you were different... i thought we went way back.. and it sucks even more how wrong i was...
i don't mean to guilt trip you adn i'm sorry my ex is causing you so much trouble... and i really hope you meant it when you said you'd have more time after. it just hurts me to have to nag you so much and guilt you all the time just to get you to hang out with me. so no i don't want to see you this tuesday since "we can go if I want" ... it has to be what you want too. it just feels so one way... and thats the worse kind of feeling for me because i've never had many friends. always just a few close ones... and maybe i'm just being an oversensitive baby but pasha's drifted away... and well angela well i wronged her so she's kind of there but not... so i just don't really have anyone right now...
i'm not trying to be mean or anything... i just wish you could understand what its like for me.... how my life isn't nice and perfect but actually kinda shitty and lonely... and superficial... and thats the worst...
