i guess i finally agree with you...
it is nicer... it is better... life is easier... things are just simpler, when you have that liquid that just fills wherever and whenever and whatever you need it to go or do. but i hate myself for thinking like that. i hate myself for being so weak... i should be happy because life is good but sometimes i just can't deal. i mean i did the unselfish thing? I always seem too.. but it always leads to two unhappy elements instead of something that at least sometimes functions...longterm i tell myself but that doesn't seem to help the shortterm...
i really hope things work out for you and it seems like things are going well at least superficially... but you know it was a lot to just brush off... like even for you. it was harsh... i couldn't shake it like you did. i tried, i really did try to look the other way... but ultimately that was what wrecked it all. and dont' get me wrong i don't blame you, since it really does take two to tangle and sometimes things just end up as they end up...
things are fine when they are... it is busy enough most of the time with school related shit and horcs is always around at least usually. and then i always can game though you two are even getting too busy sometimes... theres the food blog too and volley ball too... but the other go to, fruit, is gone away and the other go to is stuck being sabotaged with ken masters. then there are the rest but like... it seems we've all drifted and by we i mean me from you guys... nothing to really always be there...
ricky martin is a nice new person i met too... but i hestitate to make sure the music isn't just filling in the gaps and starting the cycle all over again...
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Saturday, September 8, 2012
Graduation Goggles
they are such a bitch...
things just seem to pop up on the feed right when i'm bored. friends have all gone... it's an off work out day... even the dogs are gone... nothing to do... but sit and brood..
even reddit's garbage... i'm glad i have a food blog going that's calming.... plus this song
<http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QWI8ZfPEKpE&feature=youtu.be>
things just seem to pop up on the feed right when i'm bored. friends have all gone... it's an off work out day... even the dogs are gone... nothing to do... but sit and brood..
even reddit's garbage... i'm glad i have a food blog going that's calming.... plus this song
<http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QWI8ZfPEKpE&feature=youtu.be>
Monday, September 3, 2012
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Sunday, January 15, 2012
so dumb
why can't i shake the feeling...
brain why can't you win out?....
it is actually killing me....
brain why can't you win out?....
it is actually killing me....
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
christmas.....
recently got my face hacked into but all and all it was a pretty slack week... lots of sleeping and thinking, lots of going on facebook, taking pain meds and antibiotics, drinking chocolate milk, and more sleeping...
its really sad... everyone seems to be out and about visiting with friends and family yet here i am all alone at home. its hard to know that all your old friends moved on and drifted away so fast... don't get wrong i don't expect to be invited to these events anymore....
it's just fucking rough. seeing the pictures when you were there just a year ago for the past 8 fucking years... how fast you are forgotton and how you aren't even worth a stupid fucking mass text merry christmas anymore... not even important enough to be clicked into spam....
i mean we used to write each other long heartfelt christmas cards.... i kept everyone for each of you... thought it was fucking important... i mean who cares about the stupid sweater or pair of socks or chocolates... i loved the card and the message... writing about our memories....
weren't we all friends? before i dated her we were all friends together.... but now i see we weren't really at all.... it really turned into more of i was the bf and well we broke up and now i'm cut... but i guess that is what happened isn't it?
i always said that even though we didn't show it we'd step in front of a bullet for each other in a heartbeat.... thats how i defined and considered someone a good close friend... but now i don't even know... was i just a bad judge of character? i mean ya everyone is busy and shit and life and fuck and its hard to stay in touch but i'm not even worth the effort?
--------------------------
then i see others happy too like my 1/2 gfs which is happy times and i don't wanna be 7th wheel to their triple dates and holidays parties! but it doesn't make me feel much better...
hell i've barely seen anyone this break.... i mean mollie you're gone, claubs well you're a hermit like usual but we did go shopping, alexa you're gone, pasha well we'll ski like we always do, marina i don't even know though we even promised but it doesn't look promising....trobbins i've probably spent the most time with you this break RHAPSODY haha good times friend as always your sarcasm and deadpan are always on and appreciated over here...though you're gone to NC now wtf?
i've never had many friends... i dont' expect to have my day planner packed... and i guess everyone else jsut moved on... don't me wrong i love my new med crew all the same even though i'm not sure they care for me at times especially b.w. .... but horcs his wifey and mrs wheeler even toked up red head and garbage day just make my life.... they've just all gone home....
i guess i hate to let go.... actually i guess i hate that i'm tossed away before i'm ready to be....
i should end positively its the holidays... anything is better than MSK and TBL, my face is healing up nicely at least and i face timed a lot with jess... she's pretty much only ever seen me when i'm gross during movember and my chipmunk self... so if she can tolerate that .....
merry christmas everyone....
its really sad... everyone seems to be out and about visiting with friends and family yet here i am all alone at home. its hard to know that all your old friends moved on and drifted away so fast... don't get wrong i don't expect to be invited to these events anymore....
it's just fucking rough. seeing the pictures when you were there just a year ago for the past 8 fucking years... how fast you are forgotton and how you aren't even worth a stupid fucking mass text merry christmas anymore... not even important enough to be clicked into spam....
i mean we used to write each other long heartfelt christmas cards.... i kept everyone for each of you... thought it was fucking important... i mean who cares about the stupid sweater or pair of socks or chocolates... i loved the card and the message... writing about our memories....
weren't we all friends? before i dated her we were all friends together.... but now i see we weren't really at all.... it really turned into more of i was the bf and well we broke up and now i'm cut... but i guess that is what happened isn't it?
i always said that even though we didn't show it we'd step in front of a bullet for each other in a heartbeat.... thats how i defined and considered someone a good close friend... but now i don't even know... was i just a bad judge of character? i mean ya everyone is busy and shit and life and fuck and its hard to stay in touch but i'm not even worth the effort?
--------------------------
then i see others happy too like my 1/2 gfs which is happy times and i don't wanna be 7th wheel to their triple dates and holidays parties! but it doesn't make me feel much better...
hell i've barely seen anyone this break.... i mean mollie you're gone, claubs well you're a hermit like usual but we did go shopping, alexa you're gone, pasha well we'll ski like we always do, marina i don't even know though we even promised but it doesn't look promising....trobbins i've probably spent the most time with you this break RHAPSODY haha good times friend as always your sarcasm and deadpan are always on and appreciated over here...though you're gone to NC now wtf?
i've never had many friends... i dont' expect to have my day planner packed... and i guess everyone else jsut moved on... don't me wrong i love my new med crew all the same even though i'm not sure they care for me at times especially b.w. .... but horcs his wifey and mrs wheeler even toked up red head and garbage day just make my life.... they've just all gone home....
i guess i hate to let go.... actually i guess i hate that i'm tossed away before i'm ready to be....
i should end positively its the holidays... anything is better than MSK and TBL, my face is healing up nicely at least and i face timed a lot with jess... she's pretty much only ever seen me when i'm gross during movember and my chipmunk self... so if she can tolerate that .....
merry christmas everyone....
Friday, August 26, 2011
being needed....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zsCD5XCu6CM&feature=related
am i really that crazy? i guess it just made me feel so worthless and so unneccesary,... and its not even your fault. i know you didn't mean it but i guess its just a trend in my life thats made me oversensitive about it...
why does it always happen this way? sigh why am i like this? i just have this need to be needed.. to know that i'm wanted, to know that i'm valued, to like be included....
like when salmon said she sent cupcakes to me as a surprise even though they didn't come that was enough... to really make my day like it really just is the thought that counts. or when like you guys drove up... so i know it's not like you don't care but like i just can't help the way i feel....
loool the most fucked part is that i sanctioned it like what was i fucking expecting? when you make the perfet pass to a guy standing backdoor he's gonna tap it in even if he's horcoff... yet now i feel this strange feeling i don't know if its protective or jealous or what...i mean horcoff has to score there its not his fault. he did nothing wrong... really its not you, i'm more mad at the goalie... for trying to say the puck didn't fully cross the line... like you think i'm stupid?... or maybe you just think you're super sneaky... who knows...
man this yantra mat can't even help me... and it ALWAYS helps.... anyways fuck it...
but really you did nothign wrong horcoff... not your fault management signed you for so much... eventhough i know that sometimes the fans still hate him right?
am i really that crazy? i guess it just made me feel so worthless and so unneccesary,... and its not even your fault. i know you didn't mean it but i guess its just a trend in my life thats made me oversensitive about it...
why does it always happen this way? sigh why am i like this? i just have this need to be needed.. to know that i'm wanted, to know that i'm valued, to like be included....
like when salmon said she sent cupcakes to me as a surprise even though they didn't come that was enough... to really make my day like it really just is the thought that counts. or when like you guys drove up... so i know it's not like you don't care but like i just can't help the way i feel....
loool the most fucked part is that i sanctioned it like what was i fucking expecting? when you make the perfet pass to a guy standing backdoor he's gonna tap it in even if he's horcoff... yet now i feel this strange feeling i don't know if its protective or jealous or what...i mean horcoff has to score there its not his fault. he did nothing wrong... really its not you, i'm more mad at the goalie... for trying to say the puck didn't fully cross the line... like you think i'm stupid?... or maybe you just think you're super sneaky... who knows...
man this yantra mat can't even help me... and it ALWAYS helps.... anyways fuck it...
but really you did nothign wrong horcoff... not your fault management signed you for so much... eventhough i know that sometimes the fans still hate him right?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)